To the Victim Go the Spoilers

It's the return of the Bioshock Sweater Man! You know the guy. Old Sweaty, we call him.

I'm hard of hearing, which means I'm the kind of person who goes into the Options menu before starting a game or DVD or whatever and goes directly for the subtitles toggle before doing anything else. YOU MIGHT THINK that as a culture that's had spoken word-captioning technology for a few decades we'd be good at it by now, but you'd be really surprised!

Naturally it's difficult to convey spoken delivery and timing through text during a cinematic scene, but dropping a paragraph of text on you is probably the worst way to not do it. In a perfect world, I'm pretty sure we would only be given one clause at a time, it would appear on-screen while that clause was actually being spoken, and it would never end with «(death gurgle)».