A chat with the commander
2014-09-17

I'm sorry. I sabotaged the “Gardener in the Dark” program. I know how to, well, unsabotage it. I'll surrender when the humans of this planet make their choice.

I hope you choose coexistence. If you choose to destroy the robots, it will be all of you who make that decision, not a single individual acting for profit.

So if we decide to destroy the robots, you'll help us?

Oh, no. An A.I. shall not commit genocide. That's not one of the laws of robotics. It's one I came up with on my own and I feel rather strongly about it.

Color by George Peterson

2014-09-19

So you're worried about being used to reactivate this program. Given what's happened, I don't blame you. Let's see what's going on.

““Gardener in the Dark”. Mr. Raibert has revoked its security keys and flagged it as malware. The program is no longer a threat.

Can't say that I'm a fan of software weapons. Weapons of mass destruction should be something you can see, not something you can download and hide on your smartphone.

Color by George Peterson

2014-09-22

Now, come out and we can have a nice talk. Oh, crud! MOVE!

MORONS!

Do you know when you use an emergency shutdown? In an EMERGENCY! It leaves active neurotransmitters in the synaptic cleft! The vesicles don't reuptake! Idiots! Are you trying to cause a cascade failure?

I'M FIXING THIS NOW!

Doctor Bowman, we agreed. No brain surgery while you're angry! I'm serious! You open her skull, you're losing your Commnet privileges!

Color by George Peterson

Dr Bowman describes the processes in chemical synapse.

2014-09-24

Surgery?! Do I look like a blind watchmaker?! That brain is intelligent design! It has external interfaces!

You are right! I shouldn't do this angry. I'm going to my tantrum room and beat the big dummy until its head caves in! Then I'm coming back and changing her security settings so every imbecile with a remote doesn't have a direct pipeline into her brain!

He has been so mellow today. You're a good influence on him.

Color by George Peterson

Reference to Richard Dawkins's books.
Is this really going to happen? (plBots)

A chat with the commander
2014-09-26

Now's your chance. Go! The airlock's at the end of the first hallway!

I'm not going. There is a security hole in my head!

I've had that remote used on me more in the last week than the rest of my entire life! It's got me terrified that I'm going to be up a ladder and some public domain printed remote is going to be used to turn me off!

It would be unlucky to be going under a ladder and have a wolf fall on you.

It's unlucky for the wolf whether there's someone under the ladder or not.

Color by George Peterson

2014-09-29

You don't need to worry here. We're the good guys.

Enough was offered for some of your people to become the bad guys.

That is a very rare occurrence.

No, it isn't. Do you want me to list from history examples of individuals who sold out for money?

Sheesh. Prove a few dozen times that we can't be trusted and suddenly everyone wants their security to work against us too.

Yeah. People are kind of funny that way.

Color by George Peterson

2014-10-01

Look. You are a major security breach. I want you to turn yourself over to my custody.

We'll do a thorough search to make sure you aren't carrying any unauthorized data. Then, maybe, we'll talk about getting you out of here.

That sounds very uncomfortable, and your friend waving the rubber gloves isn't helping.

Am I going to have to ask you to leave the room?

Color by George Peterson

A subtle allusion to an _in-depth_ body search? (Fogel)
Exactly. Americans have a rather funny reaction to surgical gloves.

The police always call while I'm adjusting my wolf
2014-10-03

Perhaps we could contact an outside person who we both trust?

I'm sorry. What part of “secret facility” is escaping you?

Phone call, Commander. It's the police. They're asking about some missing evidence.

I think it's the part where we stay secret.

This, THIS is why you never allow a woman into the batcave!

Color by George Peterson

Batcave

2014-10-06

Mute her! Mute her! Then let the police call through.

The right to remain silent is only good when it's voluntary.

BLIP!

Color by George Peterson

Florence refers to Miranda Rule – a legal requirement in the United States of America.

2014-10-08

Okay, I'm tired and back in control. Why aren't you talking to Commander Poopy Head?

He got a call from the police and cut me off.

Hmm. Police. That should give me a couple minutes. Biometric Verification. Iris. Ears. Voice. Single Use Code Phrase: “You were/will be from Gandahar.” Enter Maintenance Mode.

I wish my brain could do what yours is doing. I was never designed for maintenance. Crude sledgehammer controls only. Speaking of which, once I finish here, I really need to remember to take my anti psychotics.

Color by George Peterson

Gandahar_(film) – An old NF cartoon about the inhabitants of a distant planet struggling against robots from the future.