Robot tailors and robot consciousness

Ms. Ambrose, these are my students. This is AB²Y, Cap, and Ellipse.

Pleased to meet you.

Same. You are the first biological artificial intelligence we've met. After hearing how dangerous the chimps were, we were worried if it would be safe to meet you.

Now will you put down the newspaper?

I can sew with one hand.

Spider Attack Drones from the film Runaway © Sony Tristar

You have to forgive Cap. He's skittish around new people.

Why shouldn't I be? There are robots attacking other robots out there!

That's why I'm here. Tailoring is the path to survival. Let me put on all my clothes and turn off my transponder.

Ta Da! Close enough to human that other robots will actually try to rescue me!

We're expecting protective camouflage to be this year's hottest fashion trend.

Larry 3000 from the animated series Time Squad © Cartoon Network Studios

It's not a bad disguise. I'd wear a Burqa, but that's female clothing.

Not always. After the Middle East conflict, many men discovered they liked wearing Burqas. Burqa Bob's is a clothing store catering to men.

How do you determine if a robot is male or female?

We count the number of words we use in a month, then divide for a daily average.

Less than 5000 words per day, male. Greater than 5000 words per day, female.

Bomb 20 from the film Dark Star © Jack H. Harris Enterprises
Бурка – Not Chapaev's, but a womans Muslim garment, akin to a burqa.
Кейтеринг
Flo is not chatty. Can they perceive her as a male?

Robot tailors and robot consciousness

Enough chit chat. Time to sew! You, get some gold cloth. You, needles, silver thread. You, lots and lots of star sapphires.

Star sapphires take a week to crystallize properly. Would diamonds or emeralds do?

Well, if they're large enough.

Gold cloth? Silver thread? Diamonds? Emeralds?

Organic cloth is expensive. These are student tailors. I have to keep my costs down.

Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet © MGM

Which one of you knows about local neural net manufacture?

That would be me.

I am one of the first fully functional neural nets to be produced locally. 25 years on line. Cap. Triac. Ellipse. I brought them all into the world.

Technically, an automated forklift brought us into the world.

Ah, how sharper than a serpent's tooth are the ceramic edged cutting blades of a thankless child.

V.I.N.cent from the film “The Black Hole” © Walt Disney Productions
Up-time – the operating time without shutting down.

Dvorak told me there were problems in making neural nets locally.

An understatement.

The first neural net factory ship arrived here 60 years ago in damaged condition. The second factory ship never arrived at all.

Faced with a difficult situation, beachhead crew took definitive action. They lasered a message home saying what happened and recommended an immediate change of shipping companies.

Scutter from the NF series Red Dwarf © BBC Television

Excuse me. I need to see how your tail attaches. Could you take off the skirt?

No need, Ellipse. I am backscatter X-ray equipped. Slaving my vision to your control.

That works. It's like her garments aren't even there… or her fur.

Oh, my! Ms. Ambrose, we definitely need to get your midsection covered.

Will you please turn that off? I'd be less naked if I'd just taken off the clothes!

K-9 from the series Dr. Who © BBC Television
*nosebleeds* (Жирафик Рафик)
It's going to get more (Robot Spike)

Robot tailors and robot consciousness

I am sorry. My vision does not turn off. Another reason we're using gold cloth today is because I can see it.

No worries, Ms. Ambrose. While you three were talking, I've already finished my project.

You expect me to wear that?

Well, considering that to anyone who taps into AB²Y's video feed, you're wearing nothing at all…

Gimme.

Gog from the film Gog © United Artists

Sorry for snapping at you, Cap. Thank you for clothing that Abby can't see through.

You're welcome.

As much as I'd like to discuss the privacy issues with invasive technology, I'm more interested in what's going on with the local neural nets.

What happened to the damaged factory ship?

The beachhead crew tried to repair it. That's how it went from damaged to severely damaged.

Hector from the film Saturn 3 © Incorporated Television Company (ITC)

What caused the initial damage?

An improper sealing compound was used on the access hatches. Several compartments depressurized.

Did the factory ship use atmospheric braking?

Yes.

And those compartments repressurized with hot atmospheric gasses?

Up to the point where the ship landed in the lake. Then they filled with water.

The Cylon Centurion from Battlestar Galactica © Sci Fi Channel