I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of allowing an overweight man to vomit up a perfectly good cheeseburger, and returning those burgers safely into the hands of the underweight.

Uh more like number one BEST deathbed regret, today's CHAMPION

August is «romance awareness month» so if you're in the sort of relationship in which a thing called «romance awareness» could somehow help, i have great news

That's not true: their bodies may also be purified through deep frying. just be sure not to drink the frying fat afterwards, AND MAY I ADD, what even are your life choices where you're drinking used frying fat anyway

I tried, i really tried, but even after writing this comic i still just really want to eat fried chicken parts

DAE REMEMBER WHEN PRAYERS WERE *FUN* TO ANSWER

There once was a man from Updog / Who took a vacation in Prague / He met someone new / Who said «what's up with you?» / And the man was like, «oh I get it now»

THESE MEAT TREES ALLEGATIONS ARE ENTIRELY UNFOUNDED AND ARE NOT AT ALL THE SORT OF THING YOU'D FIND IN PARADISE WHERE TREES GROW DELICIOUS COOKED BACON AND THEN YOU CAN EAT THE DELICIOUS COOKED BACON

Please, this isn't amateur hour: you want to be a pro, you do NOT make jokes about lobsters without trying, and failing, to experience the inexpressible qualia of Lobster

Is «nobody who loves me ever stops» the saddest sentence i have ever written? it's hard to say, but it DOES remind me of all the people who have loved me and then, as one does, stopped