You've been fired from every job you ever had, unless you quit before that could happen. or the earth exploded. or you became the last person left alive on the planet. really there's a few options here and they seem to be getting increasingly awesome?

Dunno what to tell you, dude. English presupposes with «knock yourself out» that, if we could just get the permission to do so, we'd all be hitting ourselves on the heads with hammers. We all want to be unconscious just SLIGHTLY less than we want to obey the social contract that says we can't be unconscious all the time. Dunno, dude.

Maybe i'm in over my head, or as i prefer to say, «in over my hair, if i had any»

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the next exciting step in the afterlife's explosive worldwide development. i give you: the afterlife of things

To see spread out in front of you and reaching to the horizon the world's wonder and splendor, to see cradled in your palm an invitation to go ride dogsleds, and to see someone else's name written in perfect, loving penmanship on the envelope

THE DETECTIVE (STILL!) DID IT: 50 More Stories In Which The Detective Is Always The One Who Did The Murder.

Anyway I forgot to mention the babysitter kept hearing noises in the basement but every time she went down to check, all she could find was the in retrospect very realistic statue of a murderer with a knife that she assumed the parents kept stored in the basement for some reason and also dressed in warm clothes. Yes, that's right. Throw that on top of your pile of terror, please.

Gotta side with t-rex on this, a world where sunset duplicates all the ghosts caught in it seems PRETTY RAD TO ME. i don't think it's sustainable though. something's gotta give. those ghosts are getting HUNGRY.

YES MOM i'd rather live with a ghost on my bed than ask a stranger for help

Better call a plumber because THESE pipes are… leaking. on second thought, you know what, forget the plumber, just get me to a hospital