Okay okay this time what if he says «I TAKE IT BACK AND YOU RULE, WOW, HERE IS ALL MY MONEY, ALSO: RESPECT»

Damn girl, are you a lifetime of unwitting compromise and the baggage of expectations that were long ago lowered almost without conscious thought, because I feel like I've been carrying you around forever

You may not believe me when tell you that one night I saw someone lumberjacking and we got to talking and he inducted me into his trade and made me into a genius about cutting down trees, but… I know what I saw

Whenever anyone asked him what his resolution was, he'd slide the paper across the table. «i will not be entertaining questions at this time,» he'd say.

Therapists call it «obsessive thoughts», but floating batman head says it's fine

IN LIFE I WAS PRETTY CHILL BUT IN DEATH I'M GONNA BE THIS WHOLE THING, I'M GONNA BE THIS WHOLE COMPLICATED THING WHERE EACH INCONVENIENCE ONLY BEGETS FURTHER INCONVENIENCES, I'M GONNA BE THIS WHOLE FRACTALLY INCONVENIENT THING

Okay okay okay, i hereby confess… that someone else i know is a jerk

The philosopher in question was George Berkeley and he is mostly remembered for arguing that an apple doesn't exist unless you're thinking about it, which is a nice way to say that he's mostly remembered for being WRONG. later on they named a university after him

I will say this about being online: so many people have truly committed to their bits

Okay, my NEW inspirational story is about a guy writing a story nobody likes, but then all Gods from all religions show up and say that it was the best ever, and everyone has to be say things like «dang we were all so wrong». it's really inspirational to me