May i just say: if «princess toadstool» was named «princess toban» then prince estoban's name here would work AMAZINGLY WELL

In terms of bad-ass, «Heart Of Darkness» is already pretty much there. All we suggest is a few choice adjectives, like «The Blood-Drenched Heart Of Vampire Darkness». Marketing thinks that'd sell better in the current YA marketplace.

For those of you keeping track at home, now both utahraptor and t-rex have proposed a lolita prequel. WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE

File «mediocracy» under «puns invented while trying to figure out how to properly spell a word», an august list (also imagine we're in august for another free pun)

This comic is dedicated to Emily Horne (real-life friend), Emily Horner (facebook friend), and Emily Hornest (does not exist, concrete and undeniable proof that we are not in the best of all possible timelines)

My friends!! As a conspiracy theorist, it is my great pleasure to finally be able to say these four words: I WILL DIE JUSTIFIED

OOH BABY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S WORTH / OOOH HEAVEN IS A PLACE WHERE BLOOD PARASITES WHO WERE GOOD DURING THEIR LIVES GET REWARDED FOR ALL ETERNITY

Youth isn't wasted on the young! BEING FED BY GIANTS WHO THEN CRADLE YOU WHILE YOU NAP is!

Dude I Just Wanna Smooch On A Pretty Face: my journey towards getting good at picking up the ladies in which I somehow keep getting worse at it

God, if video games are what you want me to play right now, give me a sign. ah yes, the sign is my preexisting desire to play video games. hmmmm nicely done, nicely done