I blame the sea

The secret is not to dwell

«Always be healthy - um, somehow.»

Oh word 97, why do you not have «macbeth» in your spell check dictionary? you have had between 402 and 405 years to get your head in the game here.

LATER: aliens discover midas's body and use him as a highly unstable source of gold, keeping him in vacuum suspension with magnetic fields. but their ship soon suffers a power failure, midas hits the floor, and the ship is transmuted. the ship drifts until drawn in by the gravitational field of a backwater planet, where it crashes and causes the planet to suffer the same fate as Earth. we join our story centuries later as our heroes, bounty hunters seeking the near-mythic Midas Flesh, successfully break quarantine and get past the defences erected around the planet. they are the first to land on the Second Golden Planet.

IT KEEPS ME OFF THE COUCH

I hesitate to release the idea of preemptive plagiarism onto the internet, lest it be discovered that it has been preemptively plagiarized! :0

The wife fell in love with him because of the way he'd always answer yes or no questions in complete and unambigous sentences

Welcome to my farm of death and decay BOILS AND GHOULS, of CORPSE we're open 24 hours, to enter the body farm you'll need to enter your password which is protected by 256-bit enCRYPTion, etc

YOU GUYS!! IT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND THAT FUN BUT IT STILL MANAGES TO DISAPPOINT