Five broken hearts can't be wrong!

Yesterday t-rex said he had five girlfriends, and i got some emails from people asking if that was normal, because THEY haven't had five girlfriends. dudes, neither have i! i guess it's easier when you're t-rex and can consider a bank teller who was nice to you once to be a girlfriend OH SNAP I JUST BURNED A FICTIONAL CHARACTER THAT I CREATED!!!

His parents come home and say «oh god who made a truck out of human flesh and put it in our son's room. oh god, it's warm, oh god, oh god» and then they throw up. and that's only the first two panels!!

'Conspiracies!!' is said in much the same way as one might say 'ice cream!!' on a warm summer's day

Space restrictions in panel six forced me to cut five paragraphs of stunt description. basically it was the stunt driver pulling every stunt ever pulled, back to back, WHILE SHE PUNCHED OUT TERRORISTS WHO DESERVED IT

Having a skinny healthy guy say utahraptor's sentence is useful if you ever need to calibrate a machine designed to detect ULTIMATE SMUGNESS

This problem could be avoided if sexy images of men and women in swimsuits, wearing mortarboards and pointing to a blackboard on which the subject of the article was written, were inserted mid-way through each article. DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU'VE TRIED IT

A man witnesses all these horrible accidents throughout his life, friends and acquaintances dropping like flies, killed in all these horrible ways. when he finally dies of old age he finds himself in the award ceremony, and he's told about the powers he had, and and he wins the award. everyone in the audience is bandaged. XERIC GRANT PLZ

Shakespeare, I'd just - I'd love to have some precedent to point to for a burn made down the road.

A guy who acts like a big weiner, or a guy who literally is a giant weiner? whichever is more hilarious; it is probably the latter