Machine of SPOILERS: given a small sample of your blood, prints out a spoiler for your life that makes you frown and say «come on man, I wanted to be SURPRISED»

IF YOU ARE A JUNIOR INTERN AT A MAJOR PUBLISHING HOUSE WITH UNMONITORED AFTER-HOURS ACCESS TO THE PRINTING PRESS, PLEASE CONTACT ME

If you talk to me about this, i'll act real confused. and smelly! confused and smelly.

11) an alive human tongue

To be fair, i have rage quit cleaning the basement several times

I haven't felt THIS bad since I met «Coolface Quadblaster» on the bus. his quads were blasted, and his face: even cooler than i ever could've imagined

Based on a true story

FACT: today's tweens will call each other bojo in the future. if you don't think that's a fact, you may already be a bojo

I call them «ghorgies»

Officer Nofun, may I just say, sir, that you have certainly found yourself a name-appropriate line of work??