Whenever I cook pasta, I sing 'la donna e mobile' (it's the opera song you're probably thinking of) while replacing all the lyrics with variations of 'if you like tasty things, you will like tasty things.' it's good times! for me!

Although, upon closer inspection, 'What Do You Do When You Want To Give A Loved One A Present That Is Alive' would also make a pretty sweet title. can you imagine?

Backstory: t-rex was trying out some new material on the road

Utahraptor gots SERIOUS problems when it comes to not screwing up those two phrases

IT'S A NICE PLACE TO VISIT

Incorporate cannibalism ONLY WHEN FEASIBLE, everybody

If you think t-rex's reaction to the pet duck is a little extreme, that's because you don't yet know that it's wearing an adorable little duck-sized sailor's uniform, complete with jaunty blue chapeau.

I have this argument with my friends where i tell them i believe 'totally make out' means having sex, and they're all, no ryan, it just means making out to the EXTREME, and i say, what's more EXTREME than having sex, and anyway, cool story huh

CHECK YOUR WATCHES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!

Today is the day i break out the shorts