ESSAY-WRITING TIP: Below your word count? Got a phrase that's a number followed by a noun? Insert «of your Earth» between them and youre laughing all the way to the bank. The GOOD GRADES bank, that is! TWO of your Earth Good Grades banks, that is!

Dont get too close to the clothes dryer

Throw some jetpacks on there and youll truly change the world!! it may not be for the better, but it will definitely be for the different

(thinking) dang it man you KNEW this, whyd i have to screw this up, you need an embrocation for your BRAIN thats what you need, no, no, im sorry, youre doing great and i love you

I gotta stop conceiving of everything in terms of steak, its negatively impacting my life, I thought it would make things well done but when that happens its rare OH NO ITS HAPPENING AGAIN

It has come to my attention that nobody spells halloween like «halloween» anymore but it has also come to my attention that ill never change!!!! happy halloween!!!!!!!

Dogcula was such a success that soon Dracula was biting all the animals he could find. Birdculas were less successful since they kept flying into sunlight and exploding, but Wormculas were an amazing security system against the living, swarming over and devouring any who ventured too close from the feet up, so that was nice

WAIT / WHAT / IT TURNS OUT ANYONE REALLY CAN EDIT THIS THING

I dont know why youre thinking «hey, wait a minute, valentines day and halloween arent days off»! Everyone ELSE gets them off. Youre the only one missing out!! Also HAPPY EARLY SOCIAL ANXIETY AND FEAR OF MISSING OUT DAY!!

The only alternative is that Christmas stops expanding backwards and instead begin growth in the other direction, FORWARD in the calendar. Assuming Halloween continues its backwards growth, this should let us postpone the two holidays meeting for at least 50 years, at which point theyll collide in the summer. This, of course, assumes our continued success in preventing «Christmas in July» from taking hold, which is not at all certain.