ESSAY-WRITING TIP: Below your word count? Got a phrase that's a number followed by a noun? Insert «of your Earth» between them and you're laughing all the way to the bank. The GOOD GRADES bank, that is! TWO of your Earth Good Grades banks, that is!

Don't get too close to the clothes dryer

Throw some jetpacks on there and you'll truly change the world!! it may not be for the better, but it will definitely be for the different

(thinking) dang it man you KNEW this, why'd i have to screw this up, you need an embrocation for your BRAIN that's what you need, no, no, i'm sorry, you're doing great and i love you

I gotta stop conceiving of everything in terms of steak, it's negatively impacting my life, I thought it would make things well done but when that happens it's rare OH NO IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN

It has come to my attention that nobody spells hallowe'en like «hallowe'en» anymore but it has also come to my attention that i'll never change!!!! happy hallowe'en!!!!!!!

Dogcula was such a success that soon Dracula was biting all the animals he could find. Birdculas were less successful since they kept flying into sunlight and exploding, but Wormculas were an amazing security system against the living, swarming over and devouring any who ventured too close from the feet up, so that was nice

WAIT / WHAT / IT TURNS OUT ANYONE REALLY CAN EDIT THIS THING

I don't know why you're thinking «hey, wait a minute, valentine's day and hallowe'en aren't days off»! Everyone ELSE gets them off. You're the only one missing out!! Also HAPPY EARLY SOCIAL ANXIETY AND FEAR OF MISSING OUT DAY!!

The only alternative is that Christmas stops expanding backwards and instead begin growth in the other direction, FORWARD in the calendar. Assuming Hallowe'en continues its backwards growth, this should let us postpone the two holidays meeting for at least 50 years, at which point they'll collide in the summer. This, of course, assumes our continued success in preventing «Christmas in July» from taking hold, which is not at all certain.