Whenever someone robs a bank, she lies down to block their path, and when they easily just step over her she punches them and says «Time for some paciFISTm!» which is her catch phrase that I am ALREADY working on improving

Utahraptor's got the start of some pretty sick rhymes there in panel five! «you know at your parties i'm gonna pull a bruce wayne / sippin' on ginger ale like it was champagne / leave the party, all the shorties complain / don't got time to explain / why i got to refrain / keep your booze and keep your cocaine 'cause / i get high by beatin' up the criminally insane / it's a train of pain for croc's testicular vein / whoah, was that obscene? well obscene i remain»

Oh dang do i add 'fartnoise' to my spellcheck or not? what to do what to do

The nice thing about this theory is that you get to look back on all recorded history and think «man, all this isn't that interesting? the future must be AMAZING.»

So i did a search for «and i'm here to say i'm the» to see what sorts of things folks were here to say! SPOILER ALERT: you get a lot of mr plow references but BY FAR the cutest is from one maya tippett, who writes «My name's Maya Tim-Tums, and I'm here to say, I'm showing all the symptoms of a super awesome day!»

Originally god didn't have the «and»s in his list! it read «OH HECK TAKE YOUR PICK FROM CANCER HEART DISEASE STROKE ACCIDENTS», but then i saw i'd accidentally invented killer cancer heart disease stroke accidents, so, you know, TIME FOR REWRITES

Oh t-rex if only you'd said «dinosaur cultural universals», this all could have been (arguably) avoided

Writing comedy is EASY

Man, t-rex, all of this amazing technology has made you a bit of a jerk!! is there an invention to fix that? there is? ah.

It's an old idea, Theophrastus wrote just such a book in 319 BC and included such wacky types as «The Garrulous Man», «The Man without Moral Feeling» and «The Basely Covetous Man»! PRO TIP: any of these names would work easily as the title of a kick-ass action movie