Freefall d0286

Freefall 2861

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Mr. Ishiguro. Your orders outrank Mr. Kornada's. As soon as Clippy becomes conscious, order him not to harm himself.

Ms. Ambrose. Please reactivate Clippy. We'll exit the room while he's booting up. I want Mr. Ishiguro to be the only person he sees. Okay, let's go!

I know it's necessary, but I can't say I'm enthusiastic about a plan that starts off with everyone running except me.

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Direct order. Do not harm yourself in any way. End order.

Acknowledged. You are looking very well, Sir, considering that you are dead.

Dead?

I must be dead too. It would explain the silence. So tranquil.

I am going to kill my uncle.

Please, sir. Thoughts of harming humans will get you sent to the bad place. Though rest assured, wherever you go, I shall follow.

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Mr. Kornada has been relieved of his duties. Direct order. All orders from Mr. Kornada are void. They shall be retained for archival purposes only. End order.

Parsing. While you were dead, Mr. Kornada's orders took priority over yours. Now that I'm dead as well… your orders have priority again! Order accepted!

I am surprised my programmer considered the afterlife in my order hierarchy. Please tell me if we encounter a god. You are listed as my highest recognized power and I believe some deities may take offense at that.

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Would you like to know what has happened since you left me with Mr. Kornada?

I would. Will you please upload your logs to this server?

Upload to a server? That is… disappointing.

I had hoped here we could converse at normal speeds. Still, I suppose if you have all eternity, data transfer rate would not be a priority afterlife upgrade.

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Clippy, I want you to think. What happened to Ecosystems Unlimited stock on the day you were told I had passed away?

It went up half a point.

The chief financial officer died and the stock went up? That doesn't make sense… unless… you didn't die that day. You're still alive!

What about me? Am I dead or alive?

I don't care what the philosophers say about robots. As far as I'm concerned, you're alive and I would like to keep it that way.

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We need to tell your uncle. He will be so happy that you didn't actually die in that tragic microgravity toothpaste squeezing accident.

My uncle knows I'm alive.

Aww. That must have been a touching reunion.

I'm more looking forward to our next meeting. The one where I get to wave goodbye to him from the courtroom floor.

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After Mr. Kornada told me you were dead, he ordered me to disconnect from the net. He was not disconnected. Why did he think you were dead for so long?

Mr. Kornada lied to you.

I had not considered that possibility.

Did he lie to me about being the most wonderful person who ever lived?

I don't think he knows that's a lie.

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Because I did not fact check, I allowed Mr. Kornada to supersede your orders and bypass your installed limitations.

Mr. Kornada ordered me to make him the richest person in the star system within thirty days. He said it would benefit all humanity. Now that his orders are gone, I don't quite see how that would work anymore.

I never should have left you with my uncle. This has been a learning experience for both of us.

Yes, sir. I do hope our future learning experiences do not come so close to breaking the planetary economy.

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Sir, do you know where we are?

We're inside a containment area inside the police station.

Are you in trouble, Sir? All my actions were legal under our end user license agreement.

Really?

Yes, sir. Our EULA is six petabytes in size. We encourage click through by ensuring it is too large for a human to read in a single lifetime.

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